Strength for the Journey

Well, here we are at the beginning of Lent. It doesn’t seem like it was that long ago we were beginning the season of Advent. If you think about it, it really wasn’t that long ago.

As an introvert, and a 4 on the enneagram, I always seem to enjoy the Lenten season. This year it seems to be a more special time. I believe I am really beginning to understand what the season of Lent is all about. As I go through this time, I hope to update my blog weekly and share with you my thoughts throughout the season.

My housemates and I are having a time of prayer, meditation, and devotion each morning at 5:30. I am not a morning person, so I was reluctant to try this. I knew, however, that I could learn so much and really let God speak to me if I would allow Him to do so.

Let me explain what the set up looks like. First, is the date. Next, is the scripture for the day. Following that, a meditation in 50 words or less how the scripture applies to my life. Last, my thoughts on how I want to build and develop my life. Like I said, I hope to update my blog weekly so you can follow along and read what I’ve been learning and see the growth, and see what God is doing in my life through this Lenten season. You may also notice there may be some dates missing. We are doing this time of devotion Monday through Saturday. So, there will not be devotions on Sundays.

*February 13, 2013

*2 Chronicles 7:14…If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

*As a child of God, I am required to come before Him and continually seek Him. I am to actively pursue holiness. It is when I am seeking God that He will show Himself to me and do as he promised in his word and forgive me of my sins.

*As I’m on this journey, I want to strengthen my personal relationship with the Lord. I know this is a bit generic, but I haven’t been faithful to the word and letting God guide me. As reluctant as I am to waking up at the crack of dawn, I know this is what I need to be doing to strengthen and build that relationship I’ve long desired.

*February 14, 2013

*James 4:16: As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.

*I need to be careful about how I talk about what I’m doing during this year of service. It can be easy to think how this is ME doing something for society, when in reality it is me doing the work of the Lord. Arrogance is not a good look.

*As much as I want to draw closer to God, I want to draw closer to myself. For too long I’ve tried to please others and meet their expectations. What about the expectations I have for myself; have I met any of those? What are the expectations I have set for myself? How do I figure out what these are? A goal I am setting for myself is to set those expectations and do my best to achieve them to the best of my ability. I know it will be tough, but with God’s help I can make it.

*February, 15 2013

*I John 3:22: And receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him.

*Am I keeping his commands? Am I doing what pleases him? God is perfect and I am not. As I strive toward Christ-likeness and holiness, I can trust in his word that he will do as he says to bestow his riches upon me. Please him, reap the reward.

*As Christians, we are all on a mission to attain holiness and Christ-likeness. Most of us fail, however, on a daily basis. I want my life to become such that I am a complete and perfect person in Christ. I know I will fail. But with Christ’s help “I can do all things through him.” That’s his promise to us. Since the beginning of this New Year, it’s been a rough time. I think because I’ve not been fully relying on God, or FROGing as Pastor Jimmy would say, I’ve been struggling even more. I need to give it over to God. I know I can’t deal with these things on my own. So, my goal and desire is to be more intentional about “casting all my cares upon him.” I’ve got trust issues. I know this. But it’s God, he is all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful, his grace is enough…trust in it.  

*February, 16 2013

*John 15:6,7: 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

*There are times when I have felt that I haven’t been as effective and fruitful in my faith. I’ve been dried up and thrown into the fire. Becoming more aware of when these times occur can help me remain out of the fire.

*I want to develop my life in such a way that people know that there is something different about me. A good different. A contagious different. But how am I going to do this? And what does this really look like? I don’t know the answers to these questions and I might not know the answers in my lifetime. I do know, however, that I need to be in his word every day. Just like we need food daily to keep our strength and to grow physically, we need spiritual food to grow in our faith. Being in the word daily and studying the word will help strengthen my faith and build a better relationship with God.

Mugging, parades, good deeds, driving, and love

A blog post? What is that? It seems like it’s bee forever since the last time I posted. Well, it has been a pretty long time. The last post I made was on December 14; this was our day of silence. I actually wanted to get a post up before then, but that obviously never happened. So much has happened since Thanksgiving. So, I’ll start from the beginning.

Two days before thanksgiving, I was mugged. Now, don’t worry. I was home at Christmas so, I’m obviously okay. What had happened was, I had some morning meetings at work and then a meeting with a mentor/supervisor in the afternoon just before having to go to work. It was after my afternoon meeting when I was heading back to work, I had just looked at my phone to see when the next bus was coming. It was going to be about ten more minutes so I decided to walk up to the next bus stop. Two men were walking in my direction and when they were within six feet or so, they asked if I had any money. Well, of course I didn’t have any money, I’m a poor missionary. I replied no. They began to push me back and forth between them. I felt like a tennis ball, a ping pong ball, or something. The entire time I was thinking to myself, Oh God, please help me! Just then, I heard one of them say “Oh sh*t! The cops!” and they ran away. I never actually saw the police or police car, but I’m forever grateful they were there. Nothing of mine was stolen. Like I said, I’m a poor missionary and had no money, but they didn’t take my phone or my wallet. Physically I was fine, but I was pretty shaken up for a couple days. I am very thankful for my Breakthrough family for offering me rides to and from work for the next week until I felt comfortable taking the bus and walking again.

Early Thanksgiving day, my roommates and I got up and went downtown to the McDonald’s Thanksgiving Day Parade! It certainly was no Macy’s Parade, but it was still great! There were marching bands from all over the US, lots of horses and ponies, and many balloon cartoon characters. Sadly, there were no clowns. For those reading that might not actually know me, I’m a clown! I guess you could say I’m a multiple personality. His name is Humphrey Adolphus McGillicuddy. So, that’s why I was disappointed there weren’t any. Nonetheless a great parade and experience!

After the parade I was able to spend it with a special friend. Yes, he was my boyfriend. We went to one of his friends’ house and had an enjoyable dinner with great food, wine, fun, laughter, football and lots of fellowship.

Something else that happened the week of Thanksgiving is that one of our roommates transitioned out of the house. She did not feel like she could commit to what was asked of her, and therefore resigned from the YAV program. She is still living in the city and working at the organization she was placed at. I want to wish her well in all she desires.

Shortly after Thanksgiving, I was on my way to work and someone was being chastised by the bus driver because she apparently hadn’t paid her bus fare yet. She had a small child in a stroller and was at the back of the bus. No one on the insanely crowded bus was moving to let her up to pay her fare. I heard her say something about how she only had a $5 bill. She was asking if anybody had change to break it into singles. I was distraught by the actions of everyone on the bus. I finally went back to the bus driver and used my bus pass to pay this young lady’s fare. I had the means to do it and no one else was even concerned or even remotely willing to help. As she exited the bus, she was grateful to me for paying for her. Later that same day, I was on my way home and on another crowded bus. I had taken the last seat available. At the next bus stop after I had gotten on, a frail elderly lady had stepped onto the bus. This was after school and the bus was filled with school aged kids. Not one of them offered to give up their seat so this woman could sit down. I gladly offered my seat. As I got off the bus, she thanked me for giving up my seat to her, also the bus driver expressed his appreciation. I’m glad I was able to do a couple of good deeds this day.

Now, this next event, I’m not sure when exactly it happened, but it was quite the experience. A friend of mine needed to get some things out of his storage unit. He called me and asked if I could drive a van. I agreed. I was apparently the only one of his friends who had a valid driver’s license. We agreed on a day and time that I would meet him to help him do this task. We arrived at the Uhaul place to pick up the van. After the paperwork was completed, the lot attendant went to get the vehicle for us. Much to my surprise, here comes a ginormous moving truck! Okay, it really wasn’t that big, but it was big enough. I was terrified! I hate driving to begin with, but this seemed like an impossible task! But I was up for the challenge. We only had to go about a mile or slightly more up the road. I thought to myself, “I can do this.” Getting there wasn’t a problem. Getting back, that was a bit more challenging. I had to drive down some narrower streets and maneuver around buses. I made it back, no scratches on the truck! And, I only ran over one curb! We got back to his place and unloaded his stuff and returned the truck without any problems! I can now check “Driving a Uhaul through Chicago” off of my bucket list!

There really is no way to transition from driving a moving truck to love, but somehow it’s okay, it doesn’t need a transition. I had the wonderful opportunity to date a great guy for a brief amount of time. The relationship was only three months, but it was a really good three months. We had some great times together! I was able to experience new foods and go to places I may not otherwise have been able to go to. Sadly, just after the New Year, we separated. At first I was disappointed, I felt like I was going to die, but I’m still alive. I felt like my world was crashing down, but after processing all of the emotions and thinking through things, I realized it was for the best. People come into our lives for a reason. I really learned a lot about myself and I am so grateful for the time he and I shared. I really do wish him well on his quest for love and what he wants out of life. Yes, I miss him, but in time I hope we can be great friends.

Finally, my placements have changed just slightly. When I first began this year I was working with two different ministries: the first being Breakthrough Urban Ministries where I was helping out in the second grade class of the after school program and also at First Church of the Brethren assisting in the youth ministry. I am now only working at Breakthrough Urban Ministries. The youth ministry just wasn’t working out for anyone. I needed more commitment from the church, but I wasn’t seeing any. I could have an outstanding youth program, but when I leave at the end of my internship, the kids would leave right along with me. I gave my suggestions as to what they could do to keep something going, but I wouldn’t be able to be there on a regular basis. Instead, I am now working in the Breakthrough Beginners, which is a preschool. I teach music! This has been a great experience so far! The kids are so great and they are soaking up all that I am teaching them! I am also teaching the literacy lesson in my second grade class one day a week. This is quite a challenge due to some of the kids with behavior issues. But it will get better as time goes on.

I want to thank you all for your love, support, prayers, and encouragement! You have no idea what it all means to me.

Blessings,

James Monroe Potts

Day of Silence

Dec 14, 2012

Today we had a day of silence. This post was hand-written throughout the day. These are just a few reflections from the experience.

11:30 am

Today is a day of silence and reflection. At first, I was very excited about this because we were having this at the Brookfield Zoo! However, as the day approached, I began to have concerns. Being alone with my thoughts can be a scary thing sometimes. I begin to doubt myself, lose all confidence, and question my faith. I was reminded this morning, before beginning our silence, that it is good to question; it makes the beliefs you have stronger. Having made my way halfway through the zoo, I can’t help but think about what a great and amazing God we have and serve.

I have the time today to read about each animal and the habitats. It’s really incredible to read how everything works together.

I spent a good amount of time in the primate house, especially watching the gorillas. When I first approached the gorilla section, one of the females was inspecting her finger nails. I couldn’t help but think about human females and their desire to have perfectly manicured hands. As I continued watching I couldn’t help but think about evolution and whether or not it is something that is true or completely fiction. I was raised to believe evolution was purely fictional, and made up by man. Gorillas and primates, whether in wild or captivity, have similar characteristics and mannerisms as humans. Did we learn from them? Did they learn from us? Now, I’m not suggesting humans are monkeys, nor am I suggesting we are genetically derived from primates, but you have to stop and think about the similarities.

12:00 pm

It’s December and I’m at a zoo. It’s a decent day, but still a bit chilly. I knew I’d be outside today so I dressed accordingly. I love zoos so I want to see as much as possible. I’ve visited the desert, the rainforest, and parts of Australia and Africa. I don’t think I’ve sweat more in my life than today in the rainforest exhibit. May I suggest if you go to the rainforest, real or artificial, not to wear multiple layers: winter coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. Trust me, you’ll thank me later.

3:40 pm

People ask me what my favorite animal is. My answer is always the peacock. To me, they are a symbol of beauty. They also have a very regal and royal presence about them. I’ve seen peacocks before, but usually females or pictures of males. Today, I had been walking around and saw two females wandering about pecking at the ground foraging for food. A few hours later I was walking by the bird and reptile houses, I turned the corner and to my surprise was a beautiful and regal male peacock! The brilliant blues and gorgeous greens seemed to sparkle in the sunlight! I was so close to this magnificent creature I could have reached out and touched it! I literally sat down on the sidewalk and stared in awe at this stately bird. I began to cry as I was reminded that I am beautiful and I am a child of God.

3:50 pm

As I prepare to meet back up with my group, I’m thinking of how reluctant I was to have this day of silence. I was scared I might doubt myself so much I wouldn’t be able to let God work in my life today. God has worked in me today! I was walking through one of the many gift shops and heard a song sung by Josh Groban in which the chorus repeats the phrase, “There is so much to be thankful for.” It was then I started counting my blessings; for a pessimist this can be difficult. However, I was not a pessimist today.

- I have a family that loves me. We may not see eye to eye on some things, but I love them and I know they love me.

- I have a boyfriend who cares about me and I can call on him day or night.

- I have two beautiful nephews who I think about and pray for every day.

- I have a church family back home that supports and encourages me.

- I have truly amazing friends, old and new.

- I get to help kids and touch their lives.

- I live in a tremendously awesome city.

- I get to serve a God who lives.

- I am a child of God.

This list can go on and on, but I know I am truly and richly blessed!

Pencils, pencils, pencils

It's been a couple weeks since my last post and I thought I'd take a moment and give a brief update about what has been going on.

Remember how I asked for prayers for three boys in my class? Well, one is no longer in the program. My understanding is that he and his siblings are now attending a different school and, therefore, won't be attending the after school program at Breakthrough. This saddens me a bit because he was a really great kid who was full of potential! My prayer for him now is that he'll realize his potential and focus on his work to get the grades I know he's capable of.

The other two students I've asked prayers for have been improving little by little. Most recently was this past Wednesday. We were sitting at the table during Kids' Cafe, when I asked the two if they would be staying in the green zone. Both boys promised they would stay in the green zone! This prompted the other kids to promise they would also stay in the green zone for the day. And guess what?! ALL the kids stayed in the green zone for the entire day! I was so thrilled! It's not every day that each child will get a prized for being student of the day, but that day was such a good day for all of them they each got rewarded!

Something people might be able to help with is a pencil drive. I have been asked to spearhead a pencil drive for one of the local schools just across the street from the church where I help with youth ministry. There are approximately 500 kids and our goal is to collect just over 1,000 pencils so each child at the school can have 2 pencils. If this is something you think you might be able to help with feel free to send me an email and I'll let you know how to get the pencils here. My email is jmp9783@gmail.com

I would ask that you pray for me as I'm still in the search for a church to call my own while I'm here. So far, there will not be anything that could replace my church from back home, but I've found one that might come close. I'd also ask prayer for my own growth personally and spiritually. This is such a great time in my life to develop talents and gifts that God has given me.

As for my fundraising efforts I am currently at $3,725 of the $6,500 that I've been asked to raise. If you feel led to give feel free to contact me and I'll be able to get you the information needed to make a donation. All donations are tax deductible and you are helping in spreading the Gospel of Christ.

Blessings to you all,

James Potts

This rainy day and Monday didn't get me down!

Here it is a rainy Monday evening. I thought I would take some time to reflect on the benefit that took place on Friday evening. This event is the biggest fundraising event of the year. The Hyatt Regency was the venue for this event. There were about 1300 people in attendance. I was there to help keep the kids in the Breakthrough Youth Choir occupied while they waited to go on stage.

The day started at 11:45 am for me. Some of the kids only had a half day of school and would arrive early to the center where we would have a bit of lunch and watch a movie before heading out to the hotel. Once at the hotel, the kids had a sound check before any of the attendees arrived. The kids sounded great! We move to the green room where the hotel kitchen had made pizza and other snacks for the kids. The room we had was very small; not enough space for about forty very energetic kids. We’re playing games, coloring, and some even playing double dutch.

It was time for the kids to line up outside the ballroom before heading in to sing. We walk in while someone is finishing up her speech. The kids are nervous, but remain calm. Finally, it’s their turn to take the stage. The music starts and they begin to march up on stage. They are beaming with pride and joy; swaying from side to side and clapping to the beat. As they are singing, I find myself with tears streaming down my face. Why was I crying? I mean, I practically hated working at this place for the first few weeks I was there. Breakthrough is a place I have come to love. Working with the kids is such a rewarding experience. I found myself crying because I know what these kids are capable of. They have so much potential. I was crying because society has already condemned these kids to be failures because of where they live. This is what Breakthrough is working to change. The kids are intelligent, creative, and full of energy! I was crying because I love these kids.

The benefit was a huge success. The financial goal of the organization was to raise $700,000. As of Saturday afternoon, the count was just over $804,000! The Lord is good! This will definitely keep the programs we offer up and running!

Now, there is something I would like to ask you all to pray for. I have a few students in the class I work with that are having a bit of trouble. They are very close to being expelled from the program. They have some behavior issues and are continually getting in trouble for the same things. These boys are smart boys, but they let themselves become distracted. I work with each of them one on one and know they are capable of great work. I would ask that you keep these three boys in your prayers.

This week is fall break for many Chicago Public Schools, so our program is a bit different this week. We have program in the morning and not in the afternoon. So, it’s a little less hectic than usual, which is nice after a long week last week.

I’m looking forward to a quick visit home this coming weekend! I can’t wait to see my family, friends, and church family!

I can't wait to get to work today!

I am in such wonderful spirits today! I'm not sure what it is, but I do know that God is in it all! With all the struggles that I have been through over the past seven weeks, things are taking dramatic turns for the better! There was a point at my placement at Breakthrough I felt like a stranger, an intruder, and an outsider. That feeling is no more! I feel like I've been truly accepted and feel like a member of the team. I have my work email address and I am getting to know the staff better on a daily basis. There was a point when I would wake up in the morning and think to myself, "Crap, I HAVE to go to Breakthrough today." Now, when I wake up, I think, "I can't wait to get to work today!" Now, I also want to be here every day, but because of my other responsibilities I can only be here three days a week. I'll be teaching the Bible/character lesson on Mondays in November and was asked if I might be interested in co-teaching a music class on Fridays. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm sure excited about what will be taking place!

I hope you are all well!

JMP

It will be worth it all

Before I get started I want to put a disclaimer on this. The views, opinions, and feelings expressed in this blog are solely mine and do not reflect the views, beliefs, opinions, etc. of PCUSA, DOOR Network, First Church of the Brethren, or Breakthrough Urban Ministries.

I’m sitting in a Starbucks listening to the hustle and bustle of baristas, espresso machines, and friends laughing as they are catching up after the weekend. I’m sipping on my orange blossom tea and reflecting on the past six weeks. I can’t believe I’ve been here in the city for a month and a half. These past several weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I’m going to be very frank about some of the things I’ve been feeling and experiencing.

I was very excited about this new experience. I was especially excited about living in Chicago! I’ve always felt trapped living in Danville. As an out gay man, there really was no place for me where I could be myself 100%. I knew coming to Chicago I would be able to go out and not have the great fear of being called horrible names or have things being thrown at me. I was excited about being able to go to the “gay neighborhood” and meet people, make new friends. I was excited about a new job working with two different youth ministries. I was excited about having one of the greatest cities, and all its benefits and opportunities, right outside my door.

The whirlwind of emotions started before I even arrived in Chicago. I became so nervous and anxious I was making myself physically ill. I remember the flight to New York for our YAV orientation. I had a fever, chills, and my body ached. We arrived at Stony Point just after dinner, but they had saved some food for those who arrived late. After I finished my food I made my way to the auditorium for opening worship. After that service I felt like all my fears had been taken away. It was incredible to see and feel the Lord’s work. After that, I thought it was going to be smooth sailing from there on out. Boy was I mistaken.

The week was filled with sessions ranging from cultural competency, sexual misconduct, self-care, and a whole host of other topics. The sexual misconduct session really seemed to irritate many of the YAVs. Why you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The facilitator of this session made it so hetero-centric and hetero-normative completely ignoring that there are other types of relationships than male and female. She was also implying that the only kind of sexual misconduct happens between a male and a female, in which the male is the aggressor. This caused much discussion amongst the YAVs after the session. The YAV facilitators quickly caught on and realized how offended and upset many were, they brought it up at the beginning of the next session and had a brief discussion about how we were all feeling. Kudos YAV staff!!

By Thursday I was completely wiped out emotionally. I remember during the evening worship service I completely broke down. I began crying for what may have appeared to some as no real reason at all. Well, there was a reason. The night before, I had called my mother to let her know I was OK and that things were going well. Just a general “good son” check-in. Before I hung up, she said “I love you.” I’ve always known my parents and family members love me. It is not, however, something that we throw around a lot. I was caught off guard. By the end of worship on Thursday my emotions were boiling over and I needed to release. So, I did. I let the flood gates open. I was able to process this with the orientation chaplain. When I signed up for this I did not know it was going to be so intense emotionally.

The week wrapped up, we all said our good-bye’s, and began our journeys to our cities to begin our year of service.

Two of my roommates and I arrived in Chicago and we met our interim site coordinator, Benjamin. He took us to lunch, then to our house where we began to get settled and to rest. We then had to go to the airport to pick up our final roommate. She is not doing the YAV program, but rather going directly through DOOR. We were treated to a wonderfully fabulous meal at The Cheesecake Factory, and we were told not to get used to all the special and good food.

Our first week in Chicago consisted of getting to know the grid system of the city, meeting lots of people, visiting our placement sites, and getting to know each other. After all, we would be living together for the next year.

Our work week started the day after Labor Day. I did not have to be at work until the afternoon (the joys of working in an afterschool program). I didn’t do much during the day other than prepare myself mentally for what I was about to encounter. I knew that my first week or so would be learning about the program and what they do and those sorts of things. However, I wasn’t expecting to do some of the things I had been doing: taking out the trash, wiping down toilets, sweeping, vacuuming, etc. Don’t get me wrong, these things have to be done. I was given the impression I’d be in more of a leadership role in my class rather than that of custodian.

Things were not going well, the kids were out of control, and I was extremely frustrated. I was ready to give up on the program. I was ready to go back home to Danville. I was angry, disappointed, and frustrated. One evening, one of my roommates and I made a list. We divided this list into two categories: Why I did YAV and How I feel about YAV-Chicago right now. So, here is why I did YAV:

-I felt like I could do more ministry/service than at home (music & youth, worship planning, being more involved as not just a lay person doing things but as a more interested leader/rep/mission minister through YAV)

-Chicago would stretch me the most (outside my comfort zone) forcing me to rely fully on God, living in a HUGE city, living in community with other YAVs

-I was looking forward to a different type of service such as living in community (even though it would be a struggle), and discerning my future (with tools and space to do so).

-I was expecting challenges and growth

Now, this is how I felt at the time we made this list:

               

                -I am frustrated, angry; I feel betrayed; I feel like I’ve been lied to

                -I don’t feel like I’m doing at all what I thought I’d be doing

                -I am feeling very under-utilized

                -I feel like no one is listening/I haven’t been heard

                -I feel trapped (stuck at a placement where I’m being under-utilized)

                -I feel like I have not been given the tools/resources to discern

                -I feel like the “community” part is the only good thing now

                -I came in with high expectations and have been greatly disappointed

                -I feel like I’m stunted with no room to grow

I had expressed some of these feelings to supervisors, friends, and mentors, but still had these feelings. One day, probably a week after making this list, I had conversations with a few people about how I was feeling. Each one of them said the same thing. They said that I have been given an amazing opportunity to live in the city. I might not be doing what I thought I’d be doing or what I wanted to be doing, but there are so many amazing things in the city I can get involved with. They all said to use the negative things that had been happening, use the negative feelings and turn them around to do something good. Hearing that was like a slap in the face and a wakeup call.

After that my attitude changed dramatically. Things started to improve by 100%! Opportunities started to present themselves. One day, the teacher I work with was sick and I had to be in charge of the class. I’m getting emails about volunteer opportunities at churches that have programs for LGBTQ youth, which is something I’m quite passionate about. The Center on Halsted (the LGBTQ center in Chicago) has many volunteer opportunities! I’m signed up for their volunteer orientation after Thanksgiving.

Satan is working. He’s trying to make me lose focus, get me distracted. God, however, is working much harder.

I was at church on Sunday at the church where I help with the drumming class. The interim pastor there is the one who was our interim site coordinator while the actual site coordinator was on maternity leave. He and I have had many conversations over the past six weeks. He told me on Sunday that in the past month and a half he has already seen me grow so much. It made me realize that all that I’ve been through in such a short time has all been worth it. There will still be struggles, but without struggles, we can’t grow. As uncomfortable as it may be, it will be worth it all!